Waking up and I still could taste the bitter flavor of last night. Everything came back to haunt me and it got me afraid to open my eyes and face it. Still under the blanket I heard a raucous voice saying that that situation was no longer happening again. The sad voice broke the silence with the sentence "it's over". And it repeated over and over again in my head, which was already sore and pensive. I'd say worried. It said "you're alone again".
The voice didn't seem to care about my future either. "Why should it?" - I thought 2 seconds later. I noticed a slight lack of expression, but actually, there was never one. I felt just like a Christmas gift unwrapped eagerly by a 12 year old kid. While the toy is fun, let's play with it. When it gets old, one is completely allowed to take it for granted, just like its wrapping paper. Yeah, I was basically a time-sheet paper thrown in a basket in the corner of a busy office, where nobody cares because nobody sees it. "And why should they?".
We went for a coffee and my fear boosted the hope that things were likely to change, even if it was just in my sore head. I anticipated every breath that the voice might have taken, expecting at least an apology or any sentence that meant regret. The voice was no longer raucous, it sounded relieved, as if thinking of the next step to take. It felt like "Dumping him, check!". I was out of the list and, eventually, the regret I unconsciously expected was totally out of sight. I still feared.
Having a coffee tasted bitter and salty simultaneously. Actually, all I could feel in my tongue was tears. The cappuccino made me think of life. Every sip I had was an attempt of being looked at by the voice in a sympathetic way. And when I was intent on counting the chocolate sprinkles on the foam, supposing it would give me more time to bring my soul back to my sad body, I heard an unexpected "let's see how things go". On the 27th of December, I happily took its words as a "let's give it a try" in the Christmas-ish way. But definitely I wasn't in the Christmas mood. My misery convinced the voice but didn't convince myself.
